“I Put on My Robe and Wizard Hat” is a memorable quote from a chat room log in which a user with the online handle Bloodninja role-plays as a wizard during a mock cybersex session.
In 2002, a chat log was uploaded to the database Bash.org, featuring a conversation between users Bloodninja and BritneySpears14. In the dialogue, Bloodninja assumes the role of a wizard when the two begin to engage in cybersex, initiating the roleplay with “I put on my robe and wizard hat” (shown below). Although unconfirmed, the Internet humor site Fugly claims to have created the Bloodninja chat logs.
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t f*ck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
In 2003, the chat log was reposted on Albino Blacksheep. On May 17th, 2005, Urban Dictionary user Melissa Mouse submitted an entry for “I put on my wizard hat,” which cited the Bloodninja chat log as the origin of the quote. On June 27th, 2008, the Xkcd published a webcomic titled “Xkcd Loves the Discovery,” which referenced the “I put on my robe and wizard hat” line in the 8th panel (shown below).
On August 2nd, 2010, a page for “I Put On My Robe and Wizard Hat” was created on TV Tropes. On April 16th, 2011, a page for Bloodninja was launched on Encyclopedia Dramatica. On September 30th, 2012, YouTuber LilyRaichu uploaded a reading of the chat log (shown below).
On January 12th, 2015, Redditor N8theGr8 submitted a GIF titled “MRW 18/f/cali tells me she wants to cyber,” featuring the character Rupert Giles (played by Anthony Head) in the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer putting on a robe and wizard hat (shown below). Prior to being archived, the post gained over 3,200 votes (94% upvoted) and 90 comments on the /r/shittyreactiongifs subreddit. On October 2nd, 2016, a post asking about the origins of the expression was submitted to /r/OutOfTheLoop.